she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
whose ass print is on the piano?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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