Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
