After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
