The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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