His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
