He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
