Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(810): View more from Michigan

I wish I could teleport

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(206): View more from Washington

I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.

(1-206): View more from Washington

Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.

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(970): View more from Colorado

We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard

(970): View more from Colorado

I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock

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(972): View more from Texas

If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.

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(415): View more from California

the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication

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(757): View more from Virginia

Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.

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(425): View more from Washington

You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"

(425): View more from Washington

She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."

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(315): View more from New York

long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye

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