I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
