How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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