.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
