then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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