look no pants
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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