I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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