She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I smell stomach acid.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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