Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
NoShamevember. You game?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
