You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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