They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
