recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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