Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
