is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
