and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
