Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
