Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
