Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
