Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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