I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
