i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
