Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
