You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
