Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
