Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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