I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
