I like to think it a success when the cops are called
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Randomize
