highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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