i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
