You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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