Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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