I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
i think im in europe. pls send help
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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