I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
