With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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