I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize