i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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