Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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