take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
