I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
