I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
