I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
