i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
