did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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