I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize