It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
