Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
