Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
