Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
