grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
