everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
