No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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