nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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