but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
