you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
God, I missed his penis.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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