Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
