OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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