Pants 0. Shit 1.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize