I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
