I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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