I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
