The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
