i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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