i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
