Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
