We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
