mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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