mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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