at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
